


I'm So Sorry

by That_Girl_Who_Is_WAY_Too_Cheerful



Category: IT Crowd
Genre: Angst, I'm so sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, so much crying oh my gosh I'm sorry, there's a random bi oc mentioned she has no importance really, you can tell Roy's my favourite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:47:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26205910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_Girl_Who_Is_WAY_Too_Cheerful/pseuds/That_Girl_Who_Is_WAY_Too_Cheerful
Summary: Very angsty "How they got together" story.Basically I drew something and had to write something to go with it, I'm so sorry.
Relationships: Maurice Moss/Roy Trenneman
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	I'm So Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> Don't read this if it will trigger you! PLEASE! I know I'm guilty of reading stuff that makes me feel bad sometimes but YOU SHOULDN'T! Stop now if mentions of selfharm (no graphic descriptions, no one selfharms in this) or internalized homophobia will make you regret reading!  
> Please!
> 
> See the accompanying fanart here ---> https://dumbfandomdoodles.tumblr.com/post/627930728713355264/hmmm-i-do-not-know-whats-going-on-here-but-i-do

Roy.  _ Roy.  _ **_Roy._ **

He was all Moss could ever think about. He was Moss’ other half. His soul mate.  _ The one. _

And he was so not into Moss. 

Not at all. 

They were  _ friends _ , Roy insisted. Every damn time. Real men, best mates. Nothing more. 

And Moss would admit, that stung. 

He’d told Jen about it that afternoon. He hadn’t  _ meant _ to. 

Ruddy Roy. 

_ “Moss, could you… could you sit over there, maybe? People are giving us weird looks. I think they think we’re… you know.  _ **_Gay_ ** _.” _

But Roy didn’t know. Didn’t realise. Didn’t  _ care. _

Jen had sat there through his ranting, through his tears. She hadn’t said a word, either. 

But it was nice to know that she was there. 

Still there, even now. 

“Have you tried telling him, Moss?” she broke her silence, finally. 

“Telling him? No. Not doing that.” 

“Why not?”

“Because… because he’ll laugh at me. And then… then he’ll never talk to me again!”

“Moss, this is Roy we’re talking about, right?”

“Yes?”

“Roy, who is your best friend?”

“Yes…”

“I don’t think he’ll laugh at you, Moss. And I’m pretty sure he’ll speak to you again.”

“But… what if he doesn’t, Jen?” 

“Well… It’ll be a very awkward place to work.” Jen rolled her eyes, “But that’s not going to happen. Just go tell him, Moss.”

***

Roy stared in the mirror. 

And mirror Roy stared back. 

Tears welled up in his eyes. 

He was fine with it, really. It was fine. Boys were allowed to like boys. 

Men were allowed to like men. 

He had no problem with that. 

Except that he had a problem with  _ him _ .

He wasn’t allowed to. 

Girls, girls, girls, Mo- girls. 

Women. 

_ Real men _ don’t like men. 

And he was a real man. 

Yes. 

He covered his eyes with his hands, and started to pace around the tiny bathroom. 

Soon, he was gasping, choking, tearing at his throat as he found that he couldn’t breathe.

Crying had never hurt before. 

_ And wasn’t that just the biggest lie. _

Moss had avoided him every since he’d said that  _ stupid _ thing. Of course he wanted to sit with Moss. When had he not?

Crying silently was unnecessary, he was home alone, he lived alone, he was always so  _ fucking  _ alone. 

God, he just… 

He stumbled to the couch, finding himself  _ stupidly _ wishing that Moss was there, to hug him, to hold him, to put a movie on,  _ to just fucking be there. _

He hated himself. 

Hated that he knew exactly what would happen next. 

He’d go to the pub, tell the man at the bar that he’d just been broken up with, and get drunk. 

Drunk to the point where he’d call Jen, always Jen, Jen who  _ hated him _ , of course she did,  _ who fucking didn’t _ , and she’d show up, angry, always angry, and she’d take him home and they’d never mention it again. 

He’d lost count of the times it had happened now. 

Before Jen, there had been a girlfriend. 

He hadn’t really liked her, all that much, but… 

She’d drive him home and they’d sit on the couch and she’d stroke his hair, and he’d sob.

She’d broken up with him though.

Because he was hopeless,  _ fucking useless _ . 

She’d liked girls, he remembered dimly, his memories taking over from his pathetic thoughts.

_ “I.. just wanted you to know. Because… well... I suppose because people sometimes don’t want to date someone like me.” _

Someone like  _ us. _

Roy drew his knees up to his chest and tried to remember how she’d taught him to breathe through these nights. 

It helped, a little bit. She’d been a good friend. 

He hadn’t told her, though. 

Didn’t want her to… 

_ To what?  _

He’d seen the lines on her wrists. Silvery scars. Four straight lines that he’d seen her claw at, panicked in the summertime when the sun made them stand out against her tanned skin. In summertime when he could see the rest of them, so many more than four. 

So she got it, clearly.

But too much. 

She knew too much. 

He hadn’t wanted to scare her, he decided. 

And he knew he had, because there were no razors in the flat whenever she left. 

But she was happy with herself. She didn’t mind liking girls. 

_ But he’d seen it, what people like  _ **_her_ ** _ got. Punches and bruises and stares and comments and -  _

So it was bad. To be that way. 

He wasn’t that way. 

***

Moss had been walking up and down Roy’s street for half an hour. 

_ Bad idea, bad idea, bad, idea, bad, idea. _

His thoughts timed themselves with his footsteps. 

Jen was right though, surely. 

Roy wouldn’t laugh. Wouldn’t stop being his friend. 

He found himself in front of Roy’s flat, yet again. 

Would he knock on the door?

Or was it time for lap 6? 

_ “Just go tell him, Moss.” _

He knocked on the door. 

***

Someone was knocking on the door. 

Roy hurriedly wiped away his tears, stumbling to open it. 

“Moss…?”

***

“I like you, Roy. As in, love-like. I… Jen told me that I should tell you. So I have!” Roy stared at him blankly. “Uh… Good bye then?” Moss turned around, his heart pounding. 

“Moss.. Moss WAIT!” Roy’s voice broke, “Moss, wait, please-”

“Are you okay, Roy?” Moss turned back around to find the other man’s eyes full of tears. 

“Does it matter?” Roy surged forwards, pulling Moss into an embrace, “I’m so sorry, Moss.”

Moss could feel Roy’s tears soaking his shirt, and wondered what was wrong. He’d just confessed his love, not told him he was dying. 

_ “You know, Moss, I really think he likes you back. Er, but… I don’t think he feels all too good about that. Maybe if you tell him, it’ll snap him out of it. Just… tread lightly, though, if he reacts badly. Be gentle. Oh god, what am I saying? He’s a bloody idiot. Just tell him, Moss, please.” _

Although maybe those felt like the same thing, to Roy. 

Now he was crying. 

***

What the  _ fuck _ was he doing? Hugging Moss and crying like a  _ fucking baby. _

But it was Moss! Moss who liked him! Like… Love like! 

“I think… I think I like you too.”

Dammit, he’d made Moss cry. 

“Can I kiss you?”

_ What? Moss? Kiss? Him?  _

“Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> So um... I made them suffer. I'm sorry. I feel so mean giving Roy all of the Bad Thoughts, but he'll be okay. He's got Moss now, after all! Anyhoo, hope you liked it!
> 
> See the accompanying fanart here ---> https://dumbfandomdoodles.tumblr.com/post/627930728713355264/hmmm-i-do-not-know-whats-going-on-here-but-i-do
> 
> If you liked this be sure to check out my other fics! There's plenty of angst there too :)


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